My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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