I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
