Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
