Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
