Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
