So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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