I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
