how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my poor anus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
