i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
