wrigley field is MILF paradise
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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