I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
