yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
