I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
