He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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