dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
