i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
