i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
