it wasn't lemon gatorade
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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