i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
