Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
