booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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