My hand turned me down
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
