I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
