you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
