have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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