I didn't shave. On purpose
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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