Buhtt sex?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
