I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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