my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
