this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
