when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
