R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
