Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
