I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
