You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you never un-have a 4some
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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