i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
