I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
