So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
