he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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