Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
