did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
