People with herpes should wear stickers.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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