im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
