i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
