Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
