Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The air taste purple.
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