there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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