Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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