she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
