So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
