I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
