oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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